George W Bush, Progressive Messiah and Prophet of Conservatism

Doug's site Waking Ambrose is literally the weirdest site on the Internet.  It's a 2005 update of Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary.  Doug can make up definitions like nobody since Bierce.

Doug has established a true community of people who don't consider their weekday complete without trying to out wit Doug; I went in to copy the site URL, and found myself forced to answer. I am proud and pleased to present Doug on Bring it on! guest author Friday.

The Bush Administration represents the triumph of progressivism and may, ironically mark the death and resurrection of conservatism. In the spin cycle of modern politics, of course, words such as liberal, conservative and progressive have lost their color.

Nonetheless, America now has two progressive parties fighting for power and by election day, 2008 may have two conservative parties fearful of the same. In order to help this essay along and live up to my reputation, here is how I would define key political terms as used in 2005.

Progressive, n. A talking head on a neck any color but red. Conservative, n. A recent convert to large government, federal supremacy, nation-building and the regulation of personal behavior. A lifelong adherent to traditional principles. Liberal, adj. Dedicated to the proposition that all men and women are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable restrictions and among these are asexuality, dispossession and atheism.

As a conservative committed to tradition, however, I give more credence to the old definitions than new innovations. Traditionally, a progressive believes that society is perfectible through the intervention of an enlightened government. Conservatives respond that civilization could reach its optimum by maximizing the freedom of the individual.

Although there have been notable exceptions, the Republican party has been the least inconsistent champion of conservatism. The Democrats have been reliably progressive. Most of the debate between the parties over the 20Th century has been framed in terms of the scope of Government and the balance of power among the levels of government.

Since 2000, however, we find a Republican Party that expects the Federal Government to make decisions about life, death, marriage and science based on thorough investigation of American lives. We currently have more government than any progressive of the past dared imagine. And, while I’m not a scholar of these things, it’s hard to believe the levers of government were ever yanked more at the federal level.

It’s hard to identify what remains of Democratic ideology, but forensics suggest that progressivism was the last whole bone. Today, the body politic stands divided between biological progressives on the right and behavioral progressives outside and to the left. This is why Bush’s election marked the unheralded triumph of Progressivism.

If you believe humans deserve a full range of choices, politically you no longer have one. If Reagan marked the high-point of partisan conservatism, 2008 could bring the dawn of bipartisan conservatism. The implosion of the statist right could liberate the conservative old guard, such as Senator McCain and repatriate Senators Jeffords and Chaffee as Republicans.

Meanwhile, the progressive Democrats may be so traumatized by the erratic behavior of a central government on steroids as to keep the humblish small-government wing of the party out front. As a citizen satirist, two conservative parties is a worst case scenario but I was American before I was funny.

Rancor, n. The fountain of loyalty, river of punditry and the mud of effluent hypocrisy

Thanks to my friends at Bring It On! for taking in a poor partyless conservative.  Thanks especially to my good friend, Pia for extending the invitation.